What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

If there is an abandoned house with no owner, can I live in it?

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

What! how could you do that?

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

Are Americans really as uneducated and ignorant as portrayed in the media?

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

True - how I loved my mum!

What do you mean son?

Why do men prefer low-maintanence women?

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

Why do some men like older women?

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

Do you know what she said mum?

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

Should parents force their kids to go to school when they are sick?

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”